My New Jacket

Men that own dress attire need to be great thinkers. There are polka dot scarves, plaid scarves, plain scarves, wool sweaters, nylon sweaters, sweaters with wide necks to show off that dress shirt of yours, black pants, tan pants, plaid pants (just kidding, if you’re a great thinker you wouldn’t wear those), and jeans with a multitude of fits from low-rise to boot fit. A man must 1.coordinate these items according to the latest fashions and 2. Wear them gracefully. The latter didn’t occur to me until tonight. I had an unfortunate struggle with my Jacket while searching for my car keys and since no one had the pleasure of laughing at me then I thought I might do you the honor. First I would like to have a small discussion on the nature of dress jackets.

Jackets are an essential part of dress attire. The most common jacket has two pockets; one on the left and one on the right. If you take it a step further- to what I believe is called the “semi-casual” look- you get a pocket on the inside (which might have once been the traditional hiding spot for a flask). The jacket itself is made from a different material than the former, usually cotton or suede. Go another step and the jacket has pockets all over the place! Some of the pockets prove very convenient, like the one you stick your hand in when you’re nervous- these are the left and right Side pocket; (if you are one of those guys who sticks his hand in his breast pocket when he is nervous, I am not talking to you….that is kind of weird!). Some of the pockets aren’t actually pockets. If you go to stick your hand in your fingers just curl up and you feel stupid. Those are the “Just for show” pockets. These jackets are usually made of wool to keep you warm and stylish during the winter months.

I purchased a new jacket recently. The thing has pockets all over the place! As I was walking to my car I reached into the left breast pocket in search of my car keys. I couldn’t find them. I reached deeper with my left hand feeling around without being able to stick it all the way in. My fingers grazed over the keys. I stood there for what seemed like five minutes trying to grab them. When I realized what I was doing, I looked around to make sure no one had seen my weird gestures. I was choreographing the “I’m a little Tea Pot” dance. I might have easily been confused for a seizure patient had anyone seen me.

“Did occur to you David”, I thought, “To use your right hand to fish out those keys?” Well it hadn’t. I was not worthy of the dress jacket. I reached over, grabbed them and unlocked my car door. Tonight had been a lesson in gracefulness for me. From now on I will be a great thinker who thinks while he wears. I can handle an abundance of pockets…how ‘bout you??